Alchemy at the butchers.

Ding ding. A man comes into a butchers shop. Behind the counter is a butcher, looking jolly.

A: Morning Tim!

B: Morning Eric. How's the family

A: Oh, good, good thanks. How are your boys?

B: They're fine, fine. Although it turns out Liam, the youngest, is actually a girl.

A: Oh?

B: Yes. Can't believe I missed it really.

A: We had a similar thing with our salamander. Apparently it comes from keeping the aquarium too hot.

B: That would be it then. Now, what can I do for you?

A: Well, funny you should ask. I was actually after some bread.

B: Bread?

A: Yeah.

B: Not really my line, Eric. I'm more in the meat side of the equation.

A: I thought you might say that. It's just that since the bakers closed down it's been a little difficult to get a hold of.

B: I understand the conundrum, mate. But I wouldn't know where to start.

A: Hmmm. I don't suppose it's possible to slice meat in such a way as it becomes bread, is it?

B: Not really.

A: What about a marinade?

B: A marinade that converts meat into bread?

A: Yes. Maybe you could do something with red wine and garlic.

B: I don't think so.

A: What about mincing? You sometimes get breadcrumbs in rissoles.

B: True. True. But I think you'll find that the breadcrumbs are added in later. In fact, they come from bread, rather than being a by-product of the mincing process.

A: Really?

B: Yep. It's the grated carrot and onion that come from the mincing.

A: Is that a fact?

B: No.

A: Hmmm. Well, I don't know what I'm going to do. I've got a barbecue this afternoon and people are going to be expecting bread.

(how can this end?)