A: Mr Williams, do come in.
B: Thankyou, doctor.
A: Not at all, now, what seems to be the problem.
B: Well, It's rather embarassing.
A: Well, you can tell me anything, I am a doctor after all.
B: Okay, well, I've been having this pain in my groin for some time now.
A: Hmmm... is it a stabbing pain or a aching pain.
B: More stinging.
A: Hmmmmm... Well, let's have a look. If you could take your pants off.
B: Hmm... yess. I thin I see the problem here. You have a bed and breakfast in your crotch.
A: A what?
B: A bed and breakfast. A small accommodation establishment that offers a fixed rate for a room overnight and a cooked meal in the morning. In fact - yes, you can smell the bacon and eggs.
A: Good god. Is this common?
B: I'm afraid so, particularly at this time of year. It's the demand for accomodation from tourism. It's not uncommon for a retired couple to open a B&B in a restored edwardian cottage, but because of the aging population they're overpopulating and you find them opening up everywhere, barns, drains, dry creek beds and, more and more these days, in the nether regions of the younger generation.
A: This is awful.
B: Look, they'll probably die off from natural causes sooner or later now, let's see if we can't get a look at them ... if you wouldn't mind pulling back your foreskin... Ah, yes. there they are. Having a cup of tea by the looks of things. Hello there! Mr and Mrs Richards is it? And to you.
B: How did I catch this?
A: Well, have you visited any RSL's lately?
B: Not that I can think of.
A: Well, do you know anyone who may have? They tend to hitch a ride in long, unkempt hair.
B: Oh, that would be my cousin larry. He maintains poker machines.
A: There you have it.
B: Is there anything I can do to get rid of them?
A: Well, you could try visiting myer. They tend to wander off and get lost in the cosmetics section, but a lot of people quite like it.
B: What, having old people in their pants?
A: Well, they're good tenants, and Mr Richards is a dab hand at topiary so if you ask nicely he could sculpt those pubes into a duck or maybe a reindeer for christmas.
B: Ummm, well, if you think it's okay... i might give it a go. Thanks, doctor.
A: You're welcome.
(door closes)
A: Actually, come to think of it it was probably just pubic lice. Oh well.
