Trifle? Frypan?

An army sergeant comes into his superior's office.

Sergeant: Sir: Wish to report on the progress of the war.

General: Excellent, proceed Bodkin.

S: We are in a rather tenuous position, sir. We have had 1700 casualties so far today and no sign of a break in the enemy line.

G: Good god, man. That's terrible. What's going on? Is it those rolly chairs sergeant? I told them men to be careful on those.

S: No, sir. Only twelve fo the casualties have been due to rolly chairs. The majority are due to bullet related injuries.

G: Boxes of bullets falling on them again? I've made it clear they should be kept on the ground.

S: No sir, only 26 of the casualties are from boxes falling on the men. A further 38 are from men tripping over boxes left on the ground. The vast majority are actually arising from the men being shot by the bullets.

G: Someone letting bullets shoot guns now, eh? Bloody stupid thing to do.

S: No, sir. Your policy on that issue has been rigidly enforced with only a couple of lapses. What seems to be occuring is that the enemy, sir, who have their own bullets and guns are using the guns, sir, to shoot the bullets in our direction, striking the men and causing injury.

G: Hmmm. So much the same as yesterday, then.

S: Yes sir, and indeed every other day of the war.

G: Pathetically predictable, in a way, isn't it, Bodkin.

S: Yes sir. Pathetic.

G: Still, if that's the way they want to play it then I suppose we shall have to counter them. Have the men been taking any measures to avoid the bullets?

S: Avoid them sir?

G: Yes, you know, see a bullet coming, step to the left. Duck down a bit. Turn to the side.

S: I believe so, sir. The problem seems to be when they step to the left there is often another bullet coming towards that same point. So they get struck anyway, you see.

G: Hmmm, so it's almost a case of, out of the frying pan, into another, similar frying pan just next to said original frying pan.

S: I suppose so, sir.

G: Net improvement in frying pan situation, nil.

S: Yes sir.

G: What if they were to hold up the frying pan to protect themselves, instead of standing in it.

S: That might work, sir, but for the fact that this is a metaphorical frying pan. Created by you, only moments ago.

G: No protective value, is that what you're saying, Bodkin?

S: None, sir. Not against real bullets.

G: Aha. But if the bullets were metaphorical...

S: Even then, sir, the quality of metaphorical cast iron these days would mean the metaphorical frying pans offered little protection against metaphorical bullets, particularly armor piercing metaphorical bullets which are being used nowadays, sir.

G: Blast.

S: Indeed sir.

G: Perhaps a strategy is in order.

S: A strategy would, sir, at this stage me most popular with the men, sir.

G: Excellent, well, get some peaches and some cream and we'll see if we can't get one going.

S: Sir, I don't think what you are describing is a strategy.

G: No? What is it then?

S: A peach melba, sir. Or trifle.

G: That's it! A trifle. But then the men already have those, don't they.

S: They have rifles, sir. Not trifles.

G: No trifles?

S: No, sir.

G: Well, there's the problem! Get rid of those bloody rifles, get the men some trifles!

S: If you say, sir.

G: They can keep them in those frypans.

S: Yes, sir.